HA131A | Voice | Day 23

[clowngirl]

[Really? A walkie-talkie? Luckily for all involved, Harley knows exactly how these work thanks to years of overhearing police radios and watching a little movie called Smokey and the Bandit.]

Breaker! Breaker! Eggs and baker!

This is Burt Reynold's Moustache comin' in with a Whiskey Tango Foxtrot and requestin' a 10-20 on myself. We got some sorta 10-15, 5150 situation goin' on with a negatory on 420-69. Is this a good kidnappin' or a bad kidnappin'? I repeat, good kidnap-slash-bad kidnap-question mark.

Smooches. Seacrest out! Over!

Comments

[clowngirl]

Roger that. You know what they say, Polka Party, if I had a nickel every time I woke up somewhere new I'd be able to melt them down and make a fortune in counterfeit quarters.

[That is of course, nothing anybody has ever said ever.]

[sharktrash]

[ ??? ]

[ He thinks he gets the idea, but also what the fuck is that money. ]

...so how often have you woken up on an uninhabited island with no Internet or cocktail bar? Got any tips?

[clowngirl]

Just the once, when I had a very vivid dream after fallin' asleep durin' a Gilligan's Island marathon. My first tip is to find the nearest shipwrecked professor. If you are The Professor, and you haven't built the internet outta coconuts yet, then that's on you.

[sharktrash]

[ Unfortunately, he's unfamiliar with American cult classics from the '60s, but at least he's got enough miscellaneous knowledge to latch onto the archetypes! ]

I sure as fuck ain't, but now that you mention it, I know just the guy!

[ He doesn't think Senku can build the internet out of coconuts, though. He might be able to fashion up a new radio from some electronic garbage though. ]

Far as Internet goes though, 'fraid this will have to do. Shit, I miss man-eating tiger videos...

[clowngirl]

Best tell your guy to get on it! In the meantime, you'll hafta feed men to a tiger yourself like back in the olden days.

[sharktrash]

Damn, let me know if you find a tiger! You'd think it'd be easy in a fuckin' jungle, but I ain't seen a single one so far. Shit, next thing you'll tell me I'm gonna have to be my own axe murderer too--

[clowngirl]

I mean, if that's the kinda content you're missin' without WiFi then you're prob'ly on a watch list already anyway...

Though, honestly? Axe murder is paaaainfully cliché. Real hack stuff. We're talkin' murder-suicide dyin' of embarrassment. I wouldn't bother unless I could fit in a good Jack Nicholson impression.

[sharktrash]

[ The Varia probably make their own content, but he's not going to just say that, so he'll just laugh instead. ]

That could salvage it. Unfortunately I've only found an axe so far, so my options are limited. But say, if you could get any tools you can think of, what'd you go with for the maximum entertainment?

[ Talk murder to him ;) Or not; just a distraction from this mind numbingly trek through the jungle is fun enough already. ]

[clowngirl]

You want entertainment, you gotta work on your improv! I'm outta that game now but if you can't take out a guy with a pencil then you just don't know how to have a good time. I mean, okay, I did have this one plan that I could never quite work the kinks out of that involved a giant vintage bottle of seltzer water that I always wanted to try one day just to prove a point...

[sharktrash]

[ Take out a guy with a pencil, huh? She's speaking his language. He's going to be good and not draw extra attention to it, though. ]

Okay, how giant are we talkin'? Just trying to picture if it's got something to do with drowning or blunt trauma...

[clowngirl]

Oh, drownin', of course. So pretty giant. But the goal would be to have it be fully functional too so then there's the added bonus of a spray attack that has the force of a fire hose. That way you thwart an inevitable rescue attempt.

[sharktrash]

That'd probably be enough to drown somebody by itself, I reckon. [ It ought to be hard to breathe with water spraying into your face at that power level. ] Hell, that is creative! I'll never doubt you again.

[ Fun parts aside... ]

You gonna be okay out there?

[clowngirl]

[The validation gives her an extra perk of confidence.]

What? Like I'm gonna let myself die in the jungle? There's not even anything funny about that! No worries here, buddy.

[sharktrash]

[ Excellent! Maybe she'll manage to get those peanuts this time. ]

Good. Lemme know if you decide you need help, yeah?

[clowngirl]

Rodger Dodger!