[ Maddy keeps thinking about how it sounded to hear Randvi die. She'd gone with Levi to the front of the picket to see it, but had turned away and covered her eyes, unable to fully bear witness to something so brutal. But she'd heard it. Unmistakably.
Now she can hear Randvi's voice again. But raspy. Hoarse. Not the same. ]
I hope so, too. [ It's not fair. It's not fair that people just do weird stupid shit and she can't do anything to stop them and everybody just keeps putting themselves at risk and being stupid. She wants to seem mature and grown up and like she can handle this, but she also wants to just cry. ] Randvi... I don't think I could have done that. What you did. Like, if it was me, and I had to do it. [ "I don't think I'm stupid enough," she almost says, and doesn't. ]
I didn't think I could do it either, until I had to. I know you don't know much about my people, but to die that way, on my knees… my family would never take me back, if they knew.
Really? Being Norse is so weird. [ She remembers what Randvi said about NOT being a Viking. ] If your family shows up, I won't tell them. I promise.
To be honest, I don't think my mom would like it if she knew that I was learning to fight with a sword. She'd probably be pretty upset. I can't just sit here and do nothing while other people fight for me, though.
[ "Kokichi cut somebody up!!" she wants to scream, but she doesn't think Randvi will understand why that's so disturbing to Maddy. It's not even that she's mad at Kokichi necessarily, but seeing Squalo that way had disturbed Maddy greatly. That someone's first instinct could be to so coolly start cutting into him is deeply unnerving to her, since she can't imagine having that as an impulse. She doesn't know how to explain it fully.
But Randvi said for them to be there for each other. Okay. Maddy can try to do that. ]
[ Maddy has slowly started to figure out that what's disturbing to her is not necessarily disturbing to the others here. ]
Okay. Are you sure you don't need help?
[ Not that Maddy is in any position to do anything if Randvi does need help. So like what's the point of asking, right? But she asks anyway. She's just not sure what else to do. ]
[ Maddy's voice is thick from the lump in her throat. ]
We will be. [ It's probably as foolish to say that and it is to ask, but Maddy doesn't know what else to do. ]
Randvi... I miss you. [ It's only been a few days, but Randvi is the closest thing to a "big sister" Maddy has here. And hearing Randvi die had been brutal. ]
Do you think your scars will ever go away? [ Maddy hopes they will, but she's afraid that they won't. ]
[It’s the 'I miss you' that makes Randvi realize that the difference in age between herself and Maddy is very close to the one between herself and Thora. She wonders if this is how her sister feels receiving her letters.]
I will return as soon as I can. You can call me any time.
It is difficult to guess about the scars since we have so little information about these carry-over injuries. I have a friend at home who has very similar scarring from an injury sustained when she was a child, so it is possible to live well this way.
[At least she doesn't have the teeth marks in her skull. Randvi doesn't think she’d look as good as Eivor does with the shaved sides.]
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Now she can hear Randvi's voice again. But raspy. Hoarse. Not the same. ]
I hope so, too. [ It's not fair. It's not fair that people just do weird stupid shit and she can't do anything to stop them and everybody just keeps putting themselves at risk and being stupid. She wants to seem mature and grown up and like she can handle this, but she also wants to just cry. ] Randvi... I don't think I could have done that. What you did. Like, if it was me, and I had to do it. [ "I don't think I'm stupid enough," she almost says, and doesn't. ]
I hope you'll be okay.
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To be honest, I don't think my mom would like it if she knew that I was learning to fight with a sword. She'd probably be pretty upset. I can't just sit here and do nothing while other people fight for me, though.
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I hope some of the others will be there soon. In the meantime, the three of you need to be there for each other.
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[ "Kokichi cut somebody up!!" she wants to scream, but she doesn't think Randvi will understand why that's so disturbing to Maddy. It's not even that she's mad at Kokichi necessarily, but seeing Squalo that way had disturbed Maddy greatly. That someone's first instinct could be to so coolly start cutting into him is deeply unnerving to her, since she can't imagine having that as an impulse. She doesn't know how to explain it fully.
But Randvi said for them to be there for each other. Okay. Maddy can try to do that. ]
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I am hoping to return relatively quickly, myself. Fortunately I can still walk well enough.
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Okay. Are you sure you don't need help?
[ Not that Maddy is in any position to do anything if Randvi does need help. So like what's the point of asking, right? But she asks anyway. She's just not sure what else to do. ]
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[She’s only been alive for a few minutes, there might be other problems she hasn't noticed yet.]
I know it sounds foolish to say right now, but please be safe.
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We will be. [ It's probably as foolish to say that and it is to ask, but Maddy doesn't know what else to do. ]
Randvi... I miss you. [ It's only been a few days, but Randvi is the closest thing to a "big sister" Maddy has here. And hearing Randvi die had been brutal. ]
Do you think your scars will ever go away? [ Maddy hopes they will, but she's afraid that they won't. ]
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I will return as soon as I can. You can call me any time.
It is difficult to guess about the scars since we have so little information about these carry-over injuries. I have a friend at home who has very similar scarring from an injury sustained when she was a child, so it is possible to live well this way.
[At least she doesn't have the teeth marks in her skull. Randvi doesn't think she’d look as good as Eivor does with the shaved sides.]